Think before you speak

After giving birth to this sweet little girl, my husband and I decided to not take any type of birth control due to multiple side effects. Some looked at us crazy, but we figured it'd be better for us. Now this post is to clear up a few things about my little family and I. Recently, I posted a picture of a positive pregnancy test on April 1st. Yes, it was with intention to give my husband a little OMG moment, but mean it as an April fools joke. The day after I actually decided to really take a test because I had been a week late of getting my period. After two minutes of waiting, it finally showed. I tested positive!

Previous to this excitement, I was unknowingly pregnant around the third month after my daughter had been born. (Yeah yeah yeah. I've already heard all of the negativity from people so don't pass it my way). It actually can happen that you don't know you're pregnant until you see the doctor.

One day while at work, I was having the worst pains ever. I wanted to cry, but at the same time I knew I had to stay at work. It got to the point, where I told my boss what was going on and asked if I could leave early.

Since the pain came from the lower part of my body, I thought it was just because of the c-section, so I went to stop by my OB's office. Luckily his office is literally right down the road from my office. When I checked in everything seemed fine, until the nurse called me to the examine room and I felt my bottoms wet. I literally said out loud "I think I just pissed my pants..." The nurse looked immediately at my legs and saw blood. She asked if I was in pain at that time, but I wasn't. I was just confused.

The nurse told me to lay on the examine table while she finds the Dr. When the Dr. came into the room, he asked me about my pains, checked my incision, then examined me.

"Let's take a few deep breaths first...." My thoughts were "okay.....It's probably just my ma'i so what..." Then he said "It looks like you're experiencing a miscarriage." To be honest, I was completely sad, but at the same time not sad at all. Yes, I understood that I was going to a miscarriage. Yes, I understand what a miscarriage is. In the same light though, I thought how lucky and blessed I am to even have my daughter. The Dr. had to ask if I was okay and if I needed anything, but I let him know, everything is fine!

When I got home to my husband I told him about my day and told him about the doctors visit as well. To be honest, we were on the same page. No tears. No sad looks. Just thinking how incredibly blessed we are right now.

So back to the very beginning. I did post a picture on April 1st, that I was hapai with another on the way, with no idea that I really was. A few days after finding this out, I experienced yet another miscarriage.

I wanted to share this because of some miscommunication that others are having. Before sharing with the world your opinions that you have, make sure it won't hurt others. Think before you speak. Be considerate of others before saying things because you never know what they're actually going through.

All the struggles

Okay this post will actually be a TMI type of post.

If you've read my previous post you'll know the struggle that baby and I had to go through while I was in labor. Once she was out, that was not the only thing we had to worry about.

After I got out of surgery, I was told that the recovery part of having a c-section will be hard. (Honestly, that was not the hard part.) The nurses wheeled me from my "birthing room" to the postpartum room and said "Let us know if you need anything and we'll get it for you." When they left our room, I remember looking at my husband and just being truly grateful that he was able to be with me. Thank goodness he was able to take off from Dec. 2 until the weekend.

Anyways, the day after I gave birth, the nurse tried to get me to stand. Although it look me about 3 minutes to sit up and get out of bed, I eventually did. When I got out of bed the nurse said "Okay, now when you get out of bed, gravity will pull down all of the liquid that needs to come out." Hmmm alright that sounds good to me I guess. What the nurse didn't tell me was that the liquid would be blood. A lot of blood. My thought was that it was my period, only because I was hapai (pregnant) for nine months. "Now the blood that came out is just all of the "gunk" that was stored in your body while you were creating your baby!" How the nurse worded this didn't seem right. So....my daughter stayed in my body, in the water, in this "gunk"? Cool. While the blood was draining out of me, the nurse brought out what looked like a HUGE diaper. Really it was a HUGE pad that I've NEVER seen before.

As the days went on, the nurses would come in and check my vitals, my incision and my bleeding to see if everything was under control. The one thing that always looked bad on my vitals was my high blood pressure. My blood pressure would range from 120/97 to 150/105. Normally your blood pressure would need to be 120/80. While the nurses continued to watch my blood pressure, they also kept my doctor informed of what was going on. The more they checked my blood pressure, the more I would get asked "Do you have a headache? Do you feel dizzy? Are your reflexes okay? Do you have blurry vision?" My response was always"Nope I feel absolutely fine." Following my response, the nurse who took my vitals at that time looked at me with a confused face and would always say "You look fine, but the machine says otherwise."

The more I saw a needle or had to look at my stitches, the higher my blood pressure got. Have I told you how much I hate hospitals? Well now you know, if its not obvious. 

Around the third day of my stay in the hospital, I was told that I would be able to leave and go home with my baby. Before I could even leave, they wanted to check my vitals once more to make sure my blood pressure had gone down. Yet again, it was skyrocket high to where they called the doctor and said that he'd be in first thing in the morning to talk to me...Seriously? What now? What could be so wrong that he'd have to come in? I was sure that it had gone down. 

Well after waiting all day he finally came in around 7 PM. Not to sure if he forgot he needed to come in the morning to check me or if he was actually busy. I guess the main thing is that he was there. 

"So Leah, we've been watching your vitals and have been keeping an eye on your blood pressure. I'm sure you're aware that at this point it's too high. It's more than above the normal range. If we can't get it down, it could lead to you having a seizure or a stroke..." Right now all I could think of was my little girl. 

What would happen if I did have a seizure or get a stroke while I was holding her? Who would take care of my family? Who would help my husband if it gets to the point where I can't move? You might think that I'm a little dramatic, but let's be honest I just had a beautiful baby girl. My doctor kept pouring bad news on me all at once. What was I suppose to do? 

"Okay, lets go ahead and take your blood pressure to see if it's gone down? In the mean time, we'll have you take magnesium through an IV for 24 hrs and we'll check to see how you're doing. How does that sound?" Uh, you just told me a whole bunch of bad news and then you want to take my vitals again? My heart is working over time AND I'm pretty sure my blood pressure just got higher.  

Let me tell you having the magnesium in me for 24 hours SUCKED. I was too afraid to hold my little girl because I was too drugged up. My body felt weak, but I didn't want to show it because I'm that stubborn. I was too tired to have visitors, but I wouldn't sleep when friends/family came. With having the magnesium in me for 10 hrs my blood pressure still had not gone down. On top of the IV that I was getting, they also gave me labetalol, IBUprofen AND prenatals. I hate taking medication because I don't believe it actually helps. 

The 24 hrs finally came and my blood pressure has still not gone down. All I could think about was to go home and be with my family. All I wanted to do was to be in the own comfort of my own home. I guess by this time the nurses and doctor could feel that I was about to break out and go crazy, because I was finally released on Sunday, December 7th, five full days after I was admitted. 

When I was sent home, the doctor said I still needed to take the labetalol, IBUprofen and the prenatals. Since I'm a doctor myself (total sarcasm), I decided that I didn't need it anymore. I decided for myself that if I took it I would do more harm to my body more than ever. To be honest the next day I went over to my parents to check my blood pressure and it was back to normal. All of the struggles that I feel I could have possibly gone through came all at once. It came all while my little family was starting, it came at a time when my faith needed to be tested. 

I would honestly go through everything all over again if I had to just to bring in a wonderful blessing. 

One, Two, Three

This post may be a little TMI for you, just as a warning.

Date of doctors appointment: December 12, 2014
Time: 10:10 AM

"You're still at 1-2 cm, so not quite yet. Your blood pressure is a bit high though. How do you feel about getting induced today?" At this point I was already at 39 weeks and 6 days, so obviously I said, "Yes!" "Great! Head home and get everything that you need. I'll come by the hospital around noon and we'll go a head and break your water to start your contractions." All I could think was, is this really happening? Did my OB just ask me if I wanted to have an induction? After my last doctors appointment (thank goodness), my husband and I came home to grab a few things, then went straight to the hospital. All I remember feeling at this point was excitement, but at the same time I was a bit nervous.

As my husband, my mother-in-law and I walked in to the labor and delivery area of the Timpanogos Regional Hospital, I started to get more nervous. We got to the Nurses Station and let them know that we were there for an induction. The nurses were so nice! When we got there we got greeted to a big room where I could literally fit all of the 15 family members that came to visit me. Right when we got in to our room (which was less than 2 minutes, thanks to my mom who suggested that I register before hand), the nurse said "We'll have you put this gown on and then have you jump right in bed." It was really happening. Our baby girl was on her way, whether we were ready or not.

With in a few minutes of being there, I had an IV in me and my parents there. An hour after that, "Alright we're ready to break your water! Are you ready?" I looked at my mom, puzzled and said "yes?" Let me just add, that getting an induction for the first time, was not part of our plan. I hoped that maybe, just maybe she'll want to come on her own and I'd be able to experience everything first hand. That instant thought suddenly went away, because I knew that everything was about to change. Before the nurse broke my water, I asked if we could check if my dilation had increased. I know hopeful thinking, but at this point anything could help. "Sorry Leah, your only 2 cm dilated." UGHHHHHHHHH. The suspense had been killing me. All I wanted to do was meet our precious angel.

The nurse pulled out a long stick and asked if I was ready. Once again I gave her my puzzled look and said "yes?" I swear I have more words in my everyday vocabulary than yes added on with a puzzled look. This day was the day for my puzzled look and my only answer as yes. Anyways, as soon as the nurse broke my water, it felt like all I was just doing was peeing non stop. Eventually I had to have a catheter placed in me because at this point I was bed ridden.

"Would you like some ice chips? We have watermelon, strawberry..." My nieces told me before that all they could eat when they were in labor was ice and I honestly thought they were joking until now. "Sure I'll take Watermelon pleaseeeeee (my first contraction that I've ever felt was now.)" When the nurse came back with my ice chips, she checked me again to see how far I've been dilated. "It looks good! You're at a 3 now!" Not even kidding 10 minutes later all I could feel was pain and I immediately asked for the epidural. Once again things were not as I had planned. I thought I could be a big girl with big girl panties and go natural. Haha yeah no! The anesthesiologist came in and not even 10 minutest later he was out and so was I.

This is when things started to speed up. By this time it was 7:00 PM and I was not even close to 10 cm. It seemed like an eternity. The later it got, the more tired we got. At this time we slowly started to have people come to visit both Perry and I. More so they just wanted to see baby already and so did I. By 12 AM I was finally 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced. (I still have no idea what that means.) "Okay Leah, here's whats going to happen. I want you to put your knees up towards your chest, at the same time I want you to hold your legs in that position, by placing your hands behind your thighs and holding them in place." The nurse explained to be that two people will be helping me to hold my legs up while all at the same time I push. That's right it was time!

"Who wants to help and hold her legs? Dad would you like to help and then you'll be able to see your baby come too? And what about Mom? Would you like to come and help?"

Apparently I wasn't pushing correctly. The more I would push the more my daughter would decide to come out with her forehead first, or with her nose. "Leah, how are you feeling? Are you okay?" Obviously I was more than fine because I kept pressing the button to get the epidural.

By this time I've already been pushing for 45 minutes and my daughter was no where near coming out. Since nothing was happening my doctor gave us two options. The first was to do a vaccum assisted birth or the second which was the C - Section. I wanted to choose the first option until the doctor mentioned that my daughters heart beat kept droping everytime I pushed. "Let's go with the C-Section." As the doctor and nurse left the room my eyes started to fill with tears. The thought of my daughters heart beat dropping kept running through my head. I tried to keep all of the nsgative thoughts out of my head and said a little prayer in my head for my little soon to be family. I looked to my mom and asked if she could call my dad so that I could get another blessing from him as well as my husband. Unfortunately the epidural slowly wore off, so during the blessing all you could hear was hard breathing from me. (Contractions are NO joke.) 

Once the blessing was finished I got wheeled away in to the operating room where they began the operation. I told the doctor "I need my husband. Where's my husband?" With in 2 minutes my husband walks in, held my hand and started cracking jokes. Leave it to my husband to crack jokes on me while Im getting cut open. UGH HELLER IM IN PAIN! Once he stopped and looked over the drape, I knew SHE was here. The look on my husbands face was a sight unexplainable. The nurse asked my husband if he wanted to hold our daughter. He grabbed her and brought her over to me. My heart sank and I fell in love all over again. I couldn't believe what we created. 

Our beautiful healthy daughter, Chawney Anelamaiku'upu'uwai Sema Malagamaalii was born on December 3, 2014 at 1:23 am. She weighed 7 lbs. 4 oz . and 19 in. Our beautiful angel from our heart! 

I am BEAUTIFUL and so are YOU

My whale moment

     I am BEAUTIFUL. I understand if YOU knew some women who are/were pregnant that thought they were/are ugly, but not all women are the same. Not everyone is the same. I'm not writing this to embarrass YOU in anyway, but for YOU to understand that it is not okay to think that women get UGLY at a certain stage of their pregnancy. Let alone it is not okay for ANYONE to say that someone is UGLY in anyway, whether it be male or female.

     Today was one of those days where I had to face a challenge. A challenge of not thinking before YOU say "...you're not ugly yet...pregnant women have these things on their face (the pregnancy mask) and their face gets swollen/fat. I'm telling you this because you know I'll tell you straight...Trust me I understand. I have a son". My first thought was "Is it worth it to punch YOU in the throat for saying this and lose my job?" Don't worry, instead I balled up my hands in to a fist and looked at YOU and said "That is not okay to say to ANYONE. Pregnant or not....It's not because I'm having emotions run through me all at once. YOU DON'T EVER SAY THAT TO ANYONE."

     Right at this moment. If I had one wish, it would be that YOU would just think, before YOU speak.

     Both male and female need to know that they are all BEAUTIFUL. We are all created in HIS (God's) image. No matter our weight, color or disability, EVERYONE is beautiful.

     Yes, what YOU said did hurt me, but it made me feel even more of a beautiful women. THANK YOU FOR THAT. I'm not boasting, but I've never felt that I was ugly. I always say that I feel like a whale because of my precious daughter, but never once did I feel that I was ugly. I'm grateful for a wonderful husband who still looks at me the same way he did on our very first date. I'm grateful for wonderful friends and family who continue to remind others that THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL.

I AM BEAUTIFUL AND SO ARE YOU

Please Heavenly Father, don't let anything happen to our baby...

24 Weeks

    Can I just start off by saying being pregnant is so much fun? Although I don't have as much sleep as I did before (waking up almost every 3 hrs.), it still caps the fact that I'll be a mother SOON!

   On to the story. Last week I had one of the most highest scares of my life. When it happened I kept saying "yeah she did think too me". Anyways, last week Tuesday, I thought it would have been a great idea to go in to work early. Before I went in to work, I made me a small breakfast, the normal eggs and rice followed by two pop tarts. Overload on the sugar, I know, but I didn't think about that until after everything happened. When I got into work, everything seemed fine. I clocked in and started my day.

   After about two hours of work, my friend and I went on a walk around our building (telling secrets). This is where things got a little "hazy" for me. Instead of going back to my desk to take a little break, we stopped off at our friends office where it all began. After standing for what it seemed like forever (but it was really only a half hour), I started to get dizzy. Not knowing exactly what to do, I braced myself against our friends desk and slowly started to sit myself down. The only thing that I could think of was "Please Heavenly Father, don't let anything happen to our baby..." My co-workers and friends asked me if everything was okay and if I needed anything. The more they tried to talk to me, the more muffled their voices became. After sitting for what seemed like "a million years", everything started to come back to normal.

   The first thing that needed to happen was for me to receive a priesthood blessing. Believe it or not, I had a prompting to ask my boss for this blessing. Mind you this was not to get "special care" from my boss, but it was a feeling that I needed to go with.

   Before I spoke to my boss, I let my sister know what was going on so that she was not surprised/shocked/angry if she heard what had happened from someone else. Besides telling her what happened, I told her about the prompting I received. Her first look that she gave me was surprised. "Are you seriously going to ask him? What are you going to say?"  After thinking about what she said, I paused and asked myself, "How do I ask my boss (who does not know my background) if he could give me a priesthood blessing?"  

  Then before I could even think about anything, I found myself at my bosses office, with another priesthood holder and my sister. My boss looked at me with a puzzled face as I said "Mike, sorry to bother you. This question is not work related, but would you be able to give me a priesthood blessing?" He looked at me with a tear in his eye and gladly said yes. As I sat through this blessing all I could feel was peace and comfort to know that our precious angel will be just fine.

  I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without the worthy priesthood holders that we have in our lives. I'm blessed to have this wonderful blessing to become a mother and to have Heavenly Father trust me enough to raise a child here on earth. Although there are many trials that we go through, we are never alone. We always have the help of not only others, but we also ALWAYS have the help of our Heavenly Father.

Be Humble

   For those who care/don't know Perry and I finally got married on February 21, 2014, in the Mount Timpanogos Temple for all time and eternity! Our reception felt more like a family reunion, which was more than okay for me. I loved the feeling of having both friends and family far and near come together to see each other again. At our reception my husband's (it use to sound weird, but now it just rolls off the tongue) grandmother reunited with her twin brother. We had no idea about this until a week after our reception.

My dad looks a little to excited to be giving me away...

  mmmm nahh I can't be hapai, I'll probably get it tomorrow. Well tomorrow came and still nothing. When I told my husband, he calmly asked "should we get a test?" Sure enough we went to walmart to get not one, but TWO test to absolutely make sure. The first that we took showed negative, which I'm not going to lie disappointed me, but not to the point where I got depressed. Two weeks later, I still haven't gotten my period. At this point, I'm like yeah I have to be pregnant because EVERYONE know's I do NOT exercise. Sure enough we took the second test and it showed positive! Of course I told my husband that I wouldn't tell anyone, but he already knew I had to tell someone. Obviously the first person I told was my best friend that just so happens to be my daughter's namesake.
 Maybe a month after we got married, I noticed that I was late on getting my period. At first I thought,
   Oops, did I really spill the beans? Yes I sure did! A few weeks later (really an eternity), we found out we were having a baby girl. This announcement was not the best/suppose to be this way, but we eventually told EVERYONE except for like three people in our family. I'm pretty sure you know who you are haha.
   Since we found out that we we're having a girl, I keep telling my husband that he is going to be wrapped around her finger. He keeps saying no, but we'll see!
   Being that I recently made my halfway mark, I've been tested and tried. The feelings of having me to punch someone in the face to wanting ice cream made me realize that I need to humble myself. With the recent trials that my husband and I are facing (no marital problems so little girls you can JAM), it has been 10x's the emotional ride for me. The most recent emotion that I've been crying about is being grateful!
   I've been crying almost every morning because of the overwhelming gratitude that I feel from my Heavenly Father. Not only do I have the chance to become a mother, which is the worlds most rewarding "job title" ever, but I get to experience the sacrifices that my mother had went through. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to give my children/child everything that I've ever received. The most important thing that I learned from my mother  that I could ever give to my child, is the love and nurture of a mother. When something decides to stand in my way and tries to bring my whole day down, I just think of the wonderful opportunity that I get to have as a women. Being humble is my main goal, which I know I can achieve!

I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

 For many times I've been writing my testimony, but I've NEVER published it. WARNING: I'm not going to apologize for any one feeling offended, because of what I believe in. First off my name is Leah, I was born and raised in Hawaii and I'm a Mormon.
I've been a Mormon since I was born, BUT I've never gained a true testimony until I was a junior in high school. I've shared my story before of what exactly happened and how my testimony grew, so I won't go in depth about that. My testimony is short and simple.
I have a testimony that Jesus Christ died for us so that we could return back to live with our Father in Heaven. I have a testimony about the Plan of Salvation, that we can live with our family again. I know that Joseph Smith restored the gospel here on earth. I know that Thomas S. Monson is our true and living prophet. I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ. I am a proud Mormon of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I love this gospel and this gospel loves you(: Amen!